


Six Degrees Of Separation

by ghostrider



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Nerd!Zayn, a lot of larry, a lotof fluff, bad boy!liam, bitch louis, yeah whatever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-07
Updated: 2013-08-07
Packaged: 2017-12-22 17:40:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/916141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostrider/pseuds/ghostrider
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where Liam is the bad boy and Zayn his sweet, smart, nerdy boyfriend. They are happy until one day, Liam breaks up with him. Zayn, however has fallen too hard to be able to pick himself up. So his best, annoying and stupid, friend Harry, comes up with an annoying and stupid plan to get his best friend his ‘dumbass of a boyfriend’ back. And that plan involves a certain Louis Tomlinson who Harry hates (loves) with a passion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Six Degrees Of Separation

Sometimes, Zayn Malik thinks he’s the luckiest guy on this planet. Today happens to be one of those times.

He is on the football field, not that he plays the game because well, look at him. Thin, lean and shy, sporting a messy haircut, wearing shorts that make his legs look thinner than they actually are and wearing glasses that scream ‘serious geek coming through’. No he isn’t ugly, or short of good looks. But he isn’t the broad chested sex god who rocks the football field either. He’s just.. _okay_. Liam says he’s got beautiful, long eyelashes though. And a perfect jawline, and that his eyes are deep and sparkly. Liam also likes his tattoos and his poems and his hands. And that’s enough for him, actually.

Liam, oh yeah, Liam Payne happens to be his boyfriend. Yeah, be surprised. Everybody is.

And Liam Payne is the only reason why Zayn is on the football field, making his way through a mass of crying girls and cheering students until he finally sees his boyfriend in the middle of all the chaos, his eyes the shape of crescents as he smiles his biggest smile and returns high fives.

As Zayn approaches him, trying not to be pushed down and trampled on as he stands among a crowd he doesn’t fit in, he hears Tomlinson shout in Liam’s ear, while he thumps him on the back, “That was an ass kicking goal, Payne! This calls for unlimited booze and at least a month of partying!”

Liam just laughs at him, nodding his head and punching him on the shoulder, “That sounds like a brilliant idea!”

Zayn can’t help but feel proud, his boyfriend, _his boyfriend_ had just made it to the semi finals of a championship that the school had been hoping to grab for the past three years. Now they were one step closer and it was all because of Liam.

“Hey,” Zayn says in Liam’s ear from behind, when he finally reaches him. Like always his heart skips a beat when Liam turns around to face him in a millisecond, his eyes only for Zayn.

“Did you see?” Liam asks, like an eager child, as he slides his arms around Zayn’s waist, pulling him closer to speak into his ear, his hands automatically finding their way into Zayn’s back pockets. Liam always holds him close like this, always.

“Obviously, how could I miss?” Zayn replies back into his ear, his hands resting on Liam’s sweaty biceps. He’s slightly shorter than Liam, but tall enough to rest his chin on Liam’s shoulder.

“We won,” Liam exclaims, “Oh my god, I can’t believe it!”

Zayn chuckles, then kisses Liam’s ear, “Well, you did win, and you were amazing.”

“You’d say I’m amazing even if I played worse than that harry-styles-best-friend of yours.”

“I don’t think anybody could be worse than Harry at this, but yeah. Maybe, I would.”

Liam laughs lightly, pulling back to look at Zayn now. He’s still sweaty, Liam. With his brown hair matted to his forehead.

“So we are obviously having a party, there’ll be booze and music and stuff, coming?” Liam asks.

This is the part that Zayn hates the most. Why doesn’t Liam understand that Zayn just doesn’t _fit_ in such places. He doesn’t like to be the one standing awkwardly in the corner with a glass of punch in his hand (which later he finds out was spiked), not dancing or communicating or anything. Just waiting for Liam to stop chugging beer, or winning bets, or playing stupid games with names like beer pong, until Liam is wasted enough to be driven home. He doesn’t like when Liam asks him to dance and he says no, doesn’t like saying no when Liam offers to teach him. He absolutely hates when people eye him and Liam, their eyes disapproving, like Liam could do so much better than a straight-A nerd. should be with them and not him. Sucks to be them, actually.

“No, you go,” Zayn says, his heart demanding him to grab Liam by the arm and drag him to his bedroom this second. But no, if Zayn doesn’t like the stuff Liam’s into, it’s not like he will ask Liam to ditch it for him.

“Come on Zaayynn,” and Liam always whines like this, making Zayn melt and freeze just to melt again.

“You know I have to submit my literature paper tomorrow and I had to ditch it because of the game, so please go without me?” Zayn is good with coming up with excuses. (he does have to submit a paper tomorrow though)

Liam makes a puppy dog face which Zayn hates and why doesn’t Liam care that people are kind of gawking at them right now, “But this is important for me Zayn, please come?”

Zayn considers going along, but then he catches sight of Tomlinson, who’s bro-hugging a blonde kid but his eyes are on Zayn and Liam and they say one thing only, “Oh please for the love of god payne, don’t bring him along.”

“I promise I’ll come to your party after you win this championship, okay? And we will party all night. Right now, you go have fun.”

Liam is about to shake his head when Zayn just leans up and kisses him on the mouth, “By the way, I’ll be waiting for you.” He murmurs against Liam’s lips. Liam’s hands on his waist now, gripping.

“That sounds like a nice offer,” Liam says against Zayn’s lips, “And you’re becoming naughtier.”

“You know what they say, your company influences you in the worst ways.”

“I don’t think anyone has ever said that.”

“Well, I just did. So you’re proven wrong.”

“You think you’re funny, but you’re not.”

“If you keep standing here all day, you’ll miss the party and I’ll get an F on my paper. Go,” Zayn pecks him once and then lets go.

Liam doesn’t, “What if I don’t care?” And he pulls Zayn more close again, capturing his lips once again.

Zayn does close his eyes but that doesn’t make that feeling of people’s stares on him go away.

“Liam,” he says once Liam bites his bottom lip and he swallows a moan, “People are staring.”

“Let them, then.”

“Yeah, but you should go.”

“But I don’t want to.”

“But I want you to.”

“You are so stubborn- okay. Going. One last goodbye kiss?”

“You’ll only be gone for two hours Li,” Zayn chuckles, dropping a kiss on Liam’s lips anyway.

“Doesn’t mean I’m gonna miss you any less,” Liam winks.

And sometimes, Zayn Malik thinks he’s the luckiest guy on this planet.

—-

“leaving so early?”

liam turns around to see the source of that voice. louis, obviously.

“yeah.” liam shrugs. stopping in his steps to wait for louis to catch up with him.

“whats up with you? you didn’t even drink that much. why so serious, huh?” thats so louis, to bombard you with questions when all you want is to walk in quiet and peace.

“i just got tired,” liam replies. as he continues to walk away from the house that’s raging with students, drinking and screaming and dancing and celebrating, this time his annoying best friend by his side.

“thats so unlike you.” louis murmurs.

liam doesn’t respond. he is used to louis saying ‘thats unlike you’ and ‘you have changed payne’ and ‘where is my real best friend’, thus it doesn’t bother him now. he knows louis really doesn’t have an issue with him, he actually has an issue with zayn. and that liam is dating zayn; someone, who according to louis, _does not belong with us and don’t ask me why because i can count the reasons on my fingers and toes!_

thankfully, louis had stopped saying that somewhere in between. but that was only because of liam, not zayn.

“so are you going to tell me the real reason as to why we are abandoning horan’s mind blowing party or should i just keep pretending that i believe your shitty i am tired excuse?” louis asks.

knowing that louis won’t let this go, liam decides on being honest, “i want to be with him tonight. something tells me that i should be with him tonight.”

louis snorts, “why didn’t he come along today? i mean he knows this means so much to you. didn’t you invite him?”

“i did ask him to come with me but he said no, which is nothing new. he- i just don’t get why he doesn’t come. every single time he has a perfect excuse. is he like embarassed of me or something because it does sure feel like that.” liam hates venting out to louis but sometimes its hard to understand zayn and liam is left with no choice.

“are you hearing yourself right now?” louis scoffs again.

“what do you mean?”

“embarassed of you? are you out of your mind? he is the one you should be embarassed of actually.”

“louis.” liam warns, voice stern.

“okay sorry,” louis rolls his eyes, “what i mean is that maybe he unlike you, has eyes, and he can see how people stare at you both and we all know how fucking socially awkward he is- don’t hit me damn it! don’t you remember sixth grade? when he ran out of class because he couldn’t talk about his project in front of the principal? so yeah, that is my point. he knows his place, he knows where he belongs and so he avoids being in any place that doesn’t suit him. have you ever seen him in parties? before you happened to him, he didn’t even know how party was spelled.”

everything louis says, passes through liam’s head like bullshit. except a few things that actually make sense. he knows people stare at him and zayn all the time. he knows it makes zayn uncomfortable. he just doesn’t know why. liam thinks its cool, when you’re the envy of the town. when people worship the ground you walk on, when you have the power to turn heads and when you are the talk of the year, its cool.

he likes attention. he likes the adrenaline rush that comes with doing something completely risky. he likes doing reckless things only to make it to the school newspaper’s front page. to be the trending topic of the school. _“liam payne caught smoking in the janitor’s closet.” “liam payne challenges rich kid, tony marchter for a one off after school.” “liam payne and zayn malik shot making out during class.” “liam payne scores.” “liam payne liam payne liam payne.”_ \- yeah that has been life for him, and it will remain that way, no matter how many times louis tells him that he has changed.

okay maybe zayn has changed him a bit. a bit. because now he does all his homework and has lesser detentions than before. but thats it. really. he isn’t leaving the party entirely because he wants to be with zayn, he is tired and he is not kidding. whatever louis says.

“maybe you are right,” liam tells louis, because note: agreeing with louis is the best and most foolproof way of getting louis to shut up, “but if you think that your constant nagging will make me break up with him, you are wrong.”

“i gave up on that one ages ago darling,” louis says, “but really. i still don’t see what went wrong and you fell for a brown guy.”

louis is not racist. not always, anyway. but he never misses a chance to play that brown card against zayn.

“sometimes, lou, there is more to a person than how they look like.”

“yeah yeah, i know that shit. spare it. there is nothing _more_ to him though, than geeky and weird. actually, if you had said you are dating him because of how he looks like, it would make more sense.”

“i think you just said he is brown and not good looking.”

“i said he was brown, payne. i didn’t say he wasn’t good looking. i mean come on, half the female population of our school practically drools at him. (“mother fucking sluts all of them, they know he is my. bitches.”) so yeah where was i? yeah, the part where he’s boring, too serious and a nerd. guy likes shakespeare for crying out loud, shakespeare!”

“you don’t know the real him louis, not like i do.” liam states confidentally, as louis pulls out his cigarette case, offers liam one and liam takes it.

“why are we talking about him again?” louis asks, ridiculously. like he wasn’t the one who initially gave birth to this conversation. he lights his own cigarette and hands the lighter to liam.

“because you take special pleasure in tellingly me how wrong i am.” liam lights his own, hands the lighter back to him.

“basically, i am just trying to figure out how this even happened. how the fuck did liam hard-to-get-school-heart-throb payne, fell in love with zayn wait-who?-that-geek-from-literature malik?”

“me too.” liam whispers to himself. not denying that he might have actually fallen in love.

—-

Lets rewind:

They meet for the first time in detention. Liam sitting at the very back, bored right out of his mind when Zayn stumbles in through the door, stuttering to the Invigilator the reason of his running late; he didn’t know where detention was being held.

And the Invigilator buys it, because he has no other choice but also because Zayn is known around school as the goody two shoes, minding his own business, suffer in silence type of guy. And he’s also an A grade student, the literature professor loves him, and no teacher has ever heard of him being punished. Liam is pretty sure the guy, unlike Liam, has a clean school record.

Anyway. As fate would have it, Zayn gets the seat behind Liam and as Liam sometimes can’t help himself, he turns around to ask Zayn what landed him in detention. Zayn is stunned but he replies anyway, maybe to get rid of Liam’s nosy, questioning gaze or maybe because he’s intimidated by it. Harry pulled a prank on some senior, Zayn owned up to it to save Harry from getting suspended because he could afford a detention but Harry already had a pretty twisted school history so he could not.

And Liam hates Harry, since Louis hates Harry, but also because Zayn is in detention because of Harry. Not that Liam cares. But the way his heart skips beats when Zayn bats his eyelashes (and he kind of does that on a regular basis and also unintentionally) or the way his mouth waters when Zayn bites his lips in nervousness, is giving Liam a very very ‘hard’ time.

So when detention ends and they leave, Zayn doesn’t turn around to say goodbye. Liam likes that maybe because well, something tells him that this isn’t really goodbye.

It isn’t. Because three days of trying to forget Zayn’s chocolate brown eyes and black flashy hair don’t do Liam any good. And he ignores Louis and his various warnings and asks Zayn out in front of about 200 people during lunch.

And Zayn looks at him like he’s just been hit by a bus and survived because this can’t be real. This guy, Liam, doesn’t really date people who aren’t up to his level of popularity, coolness and status. Maybe this is just a bet, Liam is asking him out only because his friends dared him to date the pathetic nerd from english, Zayn has seen his share of chic flicks, he knows how this goes. But what you don’t know is how Zayn has also been whining about Liam to Harry since the past three days, and so he says yes before Liam gives up and walks away.

Later, he finds out it is not a bet. And as time passes, Liam opens up to Zayn. And Zayn finds out how there is a whole different person behind those layers of cold and indignant. And Liam finds out how many tattoos cover Zayn’s body and how each one has his own story. And his heart breaks for Zayn when, with tears in his eyes, Zayn tells him about the one on the front of his right bicep; a portrait of a girl, aka Zayn’s best friend, who died in a brutal car accident, right in front of Zayn’s eyes, while he stood there doing nothing, just crying and screaming.

Maybe Zayn isn’t as uninteresting and boring as the world makes him out to be and maybe Liam isn’t as arrogant or bad. And maybe looking at each other from their own eyes is better than believing what the world says. So setting their differences and habits aside, they can make this work.

And they do make it work. Until..

Lets fast forward.

—-

“What’re you thinking?” he whispers into Liam’s neck.

They’re lying in Zayn’s bed, cuddled up in each other; just the way they’re comfortable the most.

“Nothing,” Liam says, averting his gaze from the ceiling to Zayn’s face which is resting on his shoulder, “I just am in love with you so much. It’s unbelievable.”

“Yeah,” Zayn nods, “It is.”

“And we have a championship to win next month, that’s unbelievable too.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“And then I have you all to myself, that’s unbelievable too.”

“Yeah well, not really.”

“Shut up you. What I’m saying is, I’ve never been more satisfied with life.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Zayn.”

“Babe?”

“I’d like to take you home.”

“But I’ve already been to your home.”

“Yeah well, not through the window this time, or the back door. Through the front door.”

“Liam-”

“I want to come out to my parents. And I want you to be there with me when I do it.”

Zayn stays quiet for a moment or two, staring into Liam’s eyes and trying to decipher any humor among them. He is only met by pensive and dead serious.

“Are you sure? I mean- won’t it be better if I don’t come with you?” he asks, not being able to believe this really.

“If I’m going to drop a bomb on them,” Liam says, “I’d rather do it once and completely.”

“What if they don- what if they- I don’t really know how to put this-”

“What if they don’t accept me? I think they will. They’re my parents Zayn, they love me. They have to accept me, they have to.”

“They will Liam, they will,” Zayn says, dropping a kiss on Liam’s shoulder.

And it’s magic; how that one touch of soft lips on Liam’s skin washes away every bit of tension in Liam’s body.

(and liam is asleep in zayn’s bed, when zayn gets up at the break of dawn to offer his prayers and ask his God for one thing only; ‘please make liam’s parents accept him and make this easier for him. that is all i want from You. amen.’)

—-

“there’s something i need to tell you mom, dad.” liam says, swallowing the huge lump in his throat.

they’re seated around the dining table in liam’s living room. zayn is there as well. seated right beside liam, trying to ignore the curious, disapproving looks he has been getting from liam’s parents who’re seated facing them.

“yes, what is it, son?” his father asks, he has a deep strong voice.

“look first, i would like to tell you not to worry about me. okay? secondly, you don’t have to tell anyone yet, it can just be a family thing, between us. third, i am really sorry for hiding this for so long from both of you, i know i should have said this before but i- i was scared mom because i have done a lot of bad things in my life and you both have always just let it go and let me be and i didn’t know how you’d take this. but now i am sure of myself, i trust you both and i love you and i know you love me too and so i am ready to tell you.”

liam pauses. takes a deep breath. his palms are twitching, his heart is racing and he knows how zayn can’t really breath either. zayn. with that one image of zayn smiling in his head, liam drops it.

“i am gay.”

there is a real dramatic pause after that. the one where you can’t even hear yourself breathing and there is actual pin drop silence. liam finally breathes out though, and glances at zayn who’s eyes are shifting back and forth between his mother and father, as he bites at his bottom lip furiously. just like liam, he too is waiting anxiously for their reaction.

“what?” is what his mother says, his father just sits there with his mouth slightly ajar.

“yes mom, i am gay. i don’t like girls. i like boys.” liam says, his heart is just about to jump out of his throat.

another painful pause. he watches as his parents share a look. he knows a secret conversation begins and ends in the duration of that 7 second look. that’s how parents communicate in front of their children. and he’s right for when they look back at him they are smiling.

“thank you for being brave enough to tell us liam, i am proud of you,” his dad smiles at him.

“are you sure though baby? are you sure about this?” his mom asks, concern clear on her face.

“yes.” liam says determinedly, his heart is celebrating and he wants to kiss zayn because he didn’t think it would be this easy. his parents were of the kind who didn’t like being associated with things that were looked down upon by the society. homosexuality was definitely one of those things.

“okay, we are with you then liam.” his father assures him.

liam feels his face breaking into a grin on its own accord. he glances at zayn again, zayn looks back at him at the exact moment. his eyes are smiling.

“there’s another thing.” liam says, not looking anywhere but at zayn. staring right into those promising, deep eyes.

“go on sweetie.” his mother says, consoling.

“zayn is my boyfriend. and i am in love with him.” liam thinks he must have done something right because zayn’s eyes turn moist.

his parents don’t think the same way though as this time they don’t give a response. so liam looks back at them and repeats to make sure they heard him right.

“i am in love with him, and i wanted you guys to finally meet him.”

his parents share a look again. this time it’s a little bit longer than before.

“can we talk to you for a moment alone, honey?” his mother asks, looking back at liam.

“uh, we can talk here. in front of zayn.” liam says, he doesn’t want to face his parents without zayn really.

“i am sure zayn won’t mind, darling. will you, zayn?” liam really wants zayn to say yes, he’ll mind very much but no. zayn just doesn’t. he’s too good for that.

“in the living room liam.” his mother orders, and there is a sternness to her voice that liam doesn’t like.

his parents get up and stalk off to the said living room. liam stays behind for a moment, turns to zayn.

“stay right here okay?” he says. even though he doesn’t know what’s coming. he just feels like this is the right time to say it.

“where else am i going to go?” zayn says. promising. he’d never leave liam until liam says so himself.

“yeah, good. i will be right back okay?”

“i will be waiting.”

then liam gets up, drops a kiss on zayn’s lips, and disappears into the drawing room.

—-

Zayn hears a door close shut and he waits.

He’s happy for Liam. His parents were the only thing hanging over their relationship and threatening them. Zayn’s parents had already asked him to move out and never come back when Zayn had come out to them. It was something related to his religion that didn’t allow him to be what he is, but you can’t really help how you’re made, you don’t get to choose your sexuality. It’s just something you are and you have to deal with it.

So Zayn has been dealing with it. He lives with Harry now, will start living in some university’s dorm when the time comes. He has a fair amount of money with him, his parents did care enough to not leave him penniless at least. Basically, he is dealing with it.

And because he has been through this, he did not want Liam to go through it all as well. Now that he knows Liam is fine, he is also fine.

Until, the shouting starts that is.

There is screaming from the other room and Zayn’s blood kind of runs cold. Liam’s father is shouting and Liam is also shouting and Zayn hears muffled voices of his mother in between. What is going on? Is Liam doing something stupid? He really wants to know and so without thinking he gets up and follows the trail of those voices. He stops when he reaches the drawing room door, figuring that going inside wouldn’t be polite or welcomed.

And maybe all this coming and standing by the door isn’t a good choice after all since this is what Liam’s father is shouting:

“-they are bad influence Liam, such people are bad influence. They brain wash you and force you to change yourself-”

“Dad! You don’t know anything about him, don’t talk like that!”

“-you can’t possibly be serious coming into this house with a fucking threat and telling me he is your-”

“A threat? Threat? What are you even- mom give him a try! He’s the best person on this earth!”

“I’m sorry Liam, but your dad is right. I won’t have my son associating with such people either. He is not like us Liam, he is different. We don’t belong in their world and they don’t in ours.”

“Mom, he’s just Muslim! A person who has other beliefs! Not an alien! He’s as human as you and me are!”

And maybe that is when it dawns on Zayn who the conversation is really about. His eyes sting then, because he wasn’t expecting this. He hadn’t even thought of this.

“Liam you’re young right now, you don’t know what you’re talking about. We are not saying you can’t be his friend, we are just saying don’t rush into things, don’t do anything stupid, or you know, with him. Don’t.”

“I am in love with him, mom.”

“No. That is just how he’s influenced you. You are already forgetting who you are because of him. They do that,” Liam’s dad says.

“You don’t know anything father, are you even listening to yourself right now?”

“Don’t talk to me like that Liam, I am your father and you do as I say. Just go outside, like a good son. Offer him dessert. Ask him to leave and we will talk about this later. If you need time to think, will give you that.”

“I’m doing no such thing and you obviously bloody don’t know what you are talking about! You don’t know anything!!”

There are footsteps then, Liam’s. And Zayn bolts away from the door like lightening. He just reaches the couch, still standing, sweating heavily when Liam enters.

“I’m sorry it took so long,” Liam says, coming forward.

Zayn shrugs, his breath rate not coming back to normal for some reason, “S’okay.”

“Wanna go somewhere, out? It’s been a tough day, what say?” Liam says, now he is standing really close to Zayn but somehow they’re still not touching.

“I was just heading back home,” Zayn says, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. He doesn’t want to talk about anything that just happened and if he stays with Liam for one more second he might just explode. He is bad at keeping secrets.

“So early?” and thankfully, Liam reaches for his hand and holds it in his. Their fingers intertwine without difficulty.

“I promised Harry I’d help him with his writing assignment, he just texted me a string of curse words,” Zayn lies, “I really ought to leave.”

“Okay,” Liam says, “Mind if I come with?”

“You know I won’t,” Zayn says, he already has a perfect excuse in his mind though, “But Harry might just kick you out. He doesn’t like to be bothered when he’s working.”

Something shifts in Liam’s eyes at that, his gaze turns from concerned to quizzical right in front of Zayn’s eyes, “Are- is there something you’re not telling me babe?”

_Only that your parents think I’m scum, nothing else._ Zayn wants to say, but he doesn’t. Because he doesn’t want Liam to know that he was eavesdropping, his heart is sure that Liam will make everything right. He will maybe talk his parents into accepting Zayn. Liam will make it all right.

“No Li,” Zayn smiles back at him, squeezing Liam’s hand, assuring him.

“Sure?” Liam asks worried.

“Yeah,” Zayn says, moves up to drop a kiss on Liam’s cheek but Liam captures his lips with his own instead.

Smiling uncontrollably into the short, loving touch of lips, both boys have a hard time letting go. But eventually, Zayn moves back, before either of Liam’s parents decide to come and says goodbye.

He denies and asks Liam to go rest, when Liam offers to walk him to the door. And stealing another kiss from Zayn, Liam lets him go alone.

—-

“i just hate them louis, i just fucking hate them!” liam finds himself pacing in louis’ den after a serious session of zayn-is-bad-for-you talk with his parents.

“can you please, for the love of jesus, sit down. take a deep breath, calm down and then tell me why you are acting like a psycopath?” louis says, from where he is sprawled on the red bean bag on the floor. he has kicked niall’s ass in fifa so many times sitting on his lucky red bean bag.

“don’t ask me to fucking calm down!” liam exclaims.

“okay continue then. what the hell happened?”

liam stops in front of louis, and bursts forth, “do you even know what and what they said about zayn? and my biggest mistake was telling them how zayn’s parents didn’t keep him. now they just have another reason to not like him! they think he is some sort of bad influence on me, he will brainwash me and make me his fucking robot! what rubbish!”

“they aren’t exactly wrong liam.”

“i know right! they have completely gone off their rockers!- wait wait wait, what did you just say?”

“i said, they aren’t exactly wrong liam.” louis states again, rather calmly.

“what the fuck- what do you mean? you are on my side louis tomlinson, not theirs!” liam throws his hands up in frustration, louis is his best friend, he should be offering help right now.

“i am always on your side payne, and i have been trying to tell you this since ages. zayn malik is not good for you. him and his fag of a best friend-”

“this is not about harry and your differences with him louis. this is about me! so, stop. i don’t need to listen to your bullshit right now.” liam holds his hands up, shaking his head, “i have already had too much of this.”

“i am not bullshitting okay? have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? there was a time i had my best friend liam with, and now i don’t fucking know where he is!” louis is on his feet now, facing liam with a stern, complaining expression on his face. “he took you away from me liam, he took you away from you! when is the last time we went to freddy’s to get free ice-cream? yes, you can’t fucking remember because it has been so long. everytime me and niall plan something, you have to do a thing with that boy. you have stopped partying, dancing, drinking, smoking! and he is turning you into a boring piece of shit just like he is-”

and louis doesn’t get to say anything else becauae a fist meets his jaw and he’s crouching on the ground.

“stop saying stuff about him louis. just fucking stop.” liam growls from above.

louis looks up, covering his bleeding bottom lip with his hand, “look at yourself. just look at yourself. and you say he hasn’t changed you. when did you go from playing video games with me to fucking punching me in the face? it was all fun and games for you liam, you were interesting. you were the soul of a party. you were fucking liam payne. now. i don’t even know anymore.”

“i am still liam fucking payne, and nobody can change me. you are just being obnoxious.” liam says again, his blood is boiling, and louis can already see his resolve wavering.

“tell that to the crowds of people who don’t talk about you anymore, tell that to the teachers who like you now, they call you zayn’s project by the way.”

“what?”

“yeah. but you won’t know that would you? since the only two things you care about now are football and zayn.” louis is back on the bean bag now, rubbing his lip and staring angrily at liam.

“that is not true.” liam says.

“really? tell me then. who am i dating right now?”

“you are single.”

“was. when the last time you cared to check.”

liam sighs, because yeah maybe he has not exactly been giving his friends time like before. but that is not because of zayn, it is because he is busy since graduation is near and he also has a very important football game around the corner. maybe he just needs to clear things out with louis. sighing again, he sits on the blue bean bag which usually he gets when he is the one whose ass louis is kicking in fifa.

“look i am sorry lou. i have been a jerk lately, i have been busy and i have been not giving you guys time. but now-”

“it is not about us liam, you are seeing this the wrong way! its about you and who you are. do you really do not miss being the envy of every eye? do you not miss our late night bike racing? the free freddy’s? the dare or dare games, the beer pong, all the ‘being alive’?”

_zayn makes me feel alive_ , the little voice inside liam says. while louis continues.

“i miss you, my friend. and i know deep inside you miss yourself too.”

“you don’t understand how zayn makes me feel louis. you don’t know how it is worth it-”

“so you are ready to give up everything you are just because? you’re ready to lose yourself so easily?” louis questions.

liam is just sick of all this. his heart doesn’t want to believe what louis is saying, but a large part of him fucking well knows how whatever louis is saying is true and he is not ‘zayn’s project’. no. thats just not acceptable. he wants to scream at this point because louis is so very false and correct at the same time.

“and trust me liam, if you lose your parents over this as well, you might never be able to forgive yourself.” louis adds, watching liam think. “they are so fucking right and zayn will only make you want to go against them. they have done so much for you, i don’t think they deserve this. they love you so much, i don’t think you can afford to lose them either.”

liam’s brain goes into overdrive at that. because zayn does make him want to go against his parents. he even was considering running away with zayn like fifteen minutes ago. would he really do that for zayn? is a mere boy really worth it? yeah ma-

“he is not worth it liam.” louis states, “nobody is worth it. i just want you back liam, i want you back. the liam who was my best friend in this whole wide world. who cared about kicking everybody’s ass at everything. i want him back.”

liam stays quiet after that. weighing his options. going through everything louis has just said. has he really changed so much? has he really lost everything he had achieved and had been proud of because if yes, then what the fuck.

“why do they call me zayn’s project?” liam asks louis, who is leaning back on the bean bag again, watching liam with a curious look.

“because being the nerd that he is, he is assigned students whom he tutors. its for extra credit. i thought you’d know that.”

“and they assigned me to zayn?”

“i don’t know about that. but since you and zayn have been a thing, zayn has not been assigned to tutor another student.”

“and how do you know that?”

“niall has all his classes with zayn. he told me this a long time ago.”

“why are you telling me now?”

“because you are finally listening to my “bullshit” with attention.”

its like cold bricks falling down on liam because if this is true. if they actually think that liam is zayn’s project. and if zayn knew that and hasn’t told liam yet and liam kind of knows that zayn must have known. because how else do you explain that 1) zayn had never told him about the tutoring thing and 2) zayn is not getting more students to tutor. if. had liam really been just a fucking project? and had zayn been successful in-

“what are you thinking?” louis asks. tapping his fingers on his leg, impatient.

“that i am done. i am done being who i never was.” liam says. and louis doesn’t ask for elaborations. just sits back wearing a triumphant smirk on his face.

—-

(first; you say the worst is a broken heart)

—-

It’s about 5 pm when Zayn comes back home. Harry is lying on their shared bed, going through Zayn’s new sketches. He likes choosing the best ones (from the ones that Zayn doesn’t already take away for Liam) and putting them on his side of the wall. Zayn has posters and shit on his side but Harry likes these black, grey, white pencil sketches more.

Harry hears footsteps before Zayn actually walks in. He doesn’t bother acknowledging him though, just continues observing a falcon Zayn has sketched. It looks extremely beautiful, with its wings spread wide, a glassiness to its very detailed eyes. If Zayn wanted, and if Harry didn’t like pasting everything even remotely ‘cool’ on his wall, he could actually sell these at a very good price.

And then the door closes shut a bit too hard, and something hard drops on the ground with a large thump and Harry has to look up to see what the fuck is going on.

The look on Zayn’s face scares the shit out of Harry because they have known each other since five years and never has Zayn looked like this. Pale, very pale, ashen and pathetic. Like he has had a face off with death and somehow managed to survive.

“Zayn?” Harry asks, climbing off the bed as soon as he can, making his way over to Zayn who is clearly unable to hold himself up any longer. He is leaning against the door, which is probably the only thing keeping him up and on closer speculation, Harry realizes that he is also shaking terribly.

“Zee, are you alright?” Harry asks again, throwing an arm around his best friend’s shoulder to lead him to bed. Where he can sit and rest. But Zayn refuses to budge. He is glued to the spot, restraining against the strong grasp on his waist. They’re tears behind those glasses, hanging from the eyelashes, Harry notices. And that is what blows the life out of him because the last time Zayn cried, was when Perrie died. What had happened? What could be worse than that?

In a voice so broken and cracked, Harry’s unspoken question is answered, “Haz. He broke up with me.”

Harry looks down at Zayn, still holding him up by his waist. Not letting go because he is afraid how Zayn might fall (once again) and break this time. Zayn’s eyes are lifeless, as he stares back at Harry, waiting for a response. Maybe waiting for Harry to wake him up from this nightmare he is having.

“But why?” Harry asks, his voice a whisper, the shivers from Zayn’s body transferring to his. He can not fucking see Zayn like this. This does not make sense. Just yesterday everything was alright, Zayn was meeting Liam’s parents, they were coming out to them, Zayn was happy. What the fuck.

“He said- his parents- he said what his parents said about me. Some of the exact same words. He said I’m not worth his time, I don’t belong in his world and he has now realized how he had just been wasting his time with me.”

“What? What did his parents say about you?” Harry asks.

For a moment, Zayn doesn’t think he can do this. He cannot go back and say all those things he had heard to Harry. But he needs to talk, he really needs to talk because its aching, its aching pretty bad inside and he just needs to get rid of it.

“They don’t like me because I have different beliefs. Because I am from fucking Pakistan and because I am fucking Muslim!”

The rage that boils inside him, he hasn’t ever felt it before. And he blames it for pushing Harry away, and kicking the box that lies on the ground by his feet, and he screams.

“And guess what Haz? He fucking didn’t even care how much he was already hurting me! He even gave me all the gifts back! Everything I have ever given him, he just threw it all on my fucking face like it meant nothing! Only because I’m not like him and will never be!”

Harry watches as the box flies to almost the other side of the room and its contents spill over. He sees the sketches, the envelops, the bear, the purple monkey, the pictures spill out. And then his attention reverts back to Zayn when there is another softer _'thump'_.

Zayn is on his knees now, crouched over, his palms flat on the ground. He doesn’t look up at Harry, keeps his head bent down, let’s the tears fall because he isn’t the one who likes to hold it in. It’s better to let it out than to suffer in silence sometimes.

“He said he didn’t love me, he said I’m the biggest mistake of his life. Harry he said he didn’t love me! How can he fucking say that?”

“He’s an asshole,” Harry states, moving forward and sitting on his own knees in front of Zayn, “they all are.”

“But I-” Zayn looks up, can not believe what he’s going to say next but its true and he fucking knows it, “I still don’t hate him. I still want him back after everything he’s just said because he’s the only one I have ever loved and I still love him, Haz. I-”

It is terrible how Liam’s image is still imprinted on his mind, how Liam’s soft touch is the only thing he is craving right now even when some horrible, foul things in Liam’s voice are still rotating in his mind. He hates everything.

“I feel like-,” and Zayn looks up at Harry then, red in the face, no light behind those square framed glasses, “I suddenly feel like- I am nothing. I am nothing.”

Harry doesn’t say anything, does not object. Just leans forward, wrapping his arms around Zayn like a promise. Zayn’s face finds the crook of Harry’s neck and he weeps like there’s no tomorrow. Maybe there isn’t any because right now the only thing he wants to do is go to sleep and never wake up because what is the point of waking up if your life is going to continue to be shit?

“I hate myself,” Zayn croaks in a small voice, “Everybody just keeps leaving me. My parents, Perrie, Liam. They all keep leaving.”

Tears spill out of his eyes again as automatically, he fists the front of Harry’s shirt tightly. In return, the strong wrap of arms around him tighten as well. Because Harry isn’t leaving. Not even if hell freezes over.

Words are not said after that, for like an eternity, as Zayn cries and Harry lets him. Both of his arms wounded tightly around Zayn, as they sit muddled on the hard, rough carpeted floor.

“I don’t think I can live without him though Harry, I loved him. Love him,” Zayn finally sobs into his neck, grasping the front of his t-shirt, “Even if he hates me for something that is not even my fault, I don’t think I can stop loving him.”

Harry just rests his chin on the mop of messy black hair, and doesn’t tell him he’s wrong. He just sighs, holds Zayn closer, shuts his eyes close, and thinks of Louis.

—-

he is a pathetic, horrendous human being.

and he still doesn’t believe that he himself threw away the most beautiful thing in his life.

zayn.

every night, as he fidgets on his bed, trying to sleep, the pleading look on that angelic face haunts him. the way zayn’s mouth had dropped open, the way he had laughed dryly asking liam if he was joking, the way he had begged liam to think properly.

_“babe i promise we will get through this, i will make it right. please don’t do this.”_

and what liam had replied with, what kind of an insensitive jerk says what he had said.

_“if you had the ability to make anything right, your fucking parents would not have kicked you out. i am sorry, but i can not let mine go away as well. because of you.”_

maybe he shouldn’t have said ‘because of you’. maybe he shouldn’t have mentioned the topic of parents at all. but a part of him wanted zayn to go so far away, that the desire for zayn in his heart would fade. and to make zayn hate him, he had to say every twisted thing that louis and his parents had fed him. because he could never think of zayn that way. could he?

no. he is not that inhumane of a person. he is just a terrible freak of nature who has broken a heart and now its killing him. weighing down on him. the guilt. his words and zayn’s cries.

he did love zayn. loves zayn. (present tense). no that is just bull shit. (past tense). (never tense). it was never love, only infatuation. yeah maybe if he keeps telling himself that, he will believe it eventually.

sooner the better. because he needs to forget zayn. every part of him, every memory attached to that defined face, everything. he had gotten rid of zayn’s gifts and sketches by giving them back to him, now he just needs to forget the bewildered, hurt look on that face.

forget. forget. he needs to forget because it hurts. he doesn’t know what he is feeling. but its all too terrible and he can’t sleep. he can’t rest. forget. he needs to move on. he needs to forget. erase the name zayn out of his life. forget.

since he is liam payne. he can do that. he will do that. surely. definitely.

hopefully.

—-

(it’s gonna kill you is the second part)

—-

Sometimes, you fall. You get bruised, you get up, move on, it heals over time.

Other times, you fall. You get bruised, but you can’t get up. It hurts, it pains. The wounds run so deep, they don’t heal, they don’t let you get up.

And Zayn. Zayn has fallen too a many times to have the will or energy to get up anymore.

It’s been a week since the breakup. A week since he’s touched Liam, kissed Liam, slept in that embrace his heart is still yearning for. A week of dying but not actually dying but dying.

He still goes to school to attend his classes, obviously. That is also mainly because Harry pushes him off bed in the morning and lectures him about his future; shit that Zayn does not care about. He really doesn’t want a future without Liam in it to be honest. But you can only object against Harry for so long, you have to give in to that genuine caring face and wet sloppy kisses sooner or later.

So yeah. It’s been a week. Today is just another Monday morning in his life. Routinely, Harry throws him in the car (not really, he merely just pushes zayn in), drags him to school, and Zayn attends all his classes like he normally would. Avoids when this very annoying girl in his arithmetic class asks him why Liam Payne isn’t dating him anymore. Snaps when she probes and nearly lands himself in detention when he throws his pencil at her stuck up face.

After arithmetic, he’s got literature and the worst part about that is; it reminds him so strongly of Liam that he wants to go back home and crawl back under his covers and never come back. Every corner of the used pages of his english journal has a curly ‘L’ scribbled on it, or a stylish, cursive, artsy ‘Liam’ drawn on it. He knows he should not but since when does he listen to himself? So he skips over to the last page, not paying attention to his teacher discussing some new novel they’re going to start, and it stings immediately. Because right there, on the top of the page is Liam’s favorite quote written in Liam’s really messy handwriting that Zayn had grown accustomed to reading, to love.

It brings tears to his eyes when he recalls the time when Liam had written it. He had asked Zayn why he liked reading so much, and Zayn had said it was because he found inspiration in it. Inspiration to draw, inspiration to live. And Liam had looked at him, a funny, ridiculous expression on his face. So Zayn had tried explaining it better,

“Sometimes when you don’t know how to express yourself to…yourself and this world, books help you do it. You read about people you can relate to and you know just what to say and do. So yeah, they really are like your best friends and that is why I like to read so much. Because every line in a book can mean something. You can find that one quote that describes your situation, or that one phrase that fills you with the inspiration you need.”

“Okay, I didn’t get the half of that, since I am not as literary or intelligent as you are but yeah whatever,” Liam had said, “So, you got a favorite quote?”

“Yeah, actually,” Zayn had replied, “I do.”

“Tell me maybe?” Liam asked.

Zayn had stared at Liam for a bit, because he didn’t share anything related to his books with anyone. The promising, entrancing brown of Liam’s eyes was reason enough for him to cave in though. So he had reached over to his bedside table, retrieved his literature notebook from the bag that lay on it and quickly flipped over to the second page.

“This. Not a quote really- but yeah,” he had whispered, pointing to the quote he had scribbled there.

Liam took the notebook, and read it out loud,

_““Nature’s first green is gold,_

_Her hardest hue to hold._

_Her early leafs a flower;_

_But only so an hour._

_Then leaf subsides to leaf._

_So Eden sank to grief,_

_So dawn goes down to day._

_Nothing gold can stay.”_

Liam stayed quite for a moment after that, then shrugged and said with a very very serious expression on his face, “Well. That was deep.”

And Zayn had laughed and lightly punched him in the shoulder, “You lame ass person, you didn’t get a word.”

Liam screwed up his face in an entirely new expression and said, “How dare you say that? I got it all. Now give me a pen.”

“What why?”

“I also have a favorite quote,” Liam said, “Yeah be surprised. I also read, so stop underestimating my abilities.”

Zayn had laughed, reached for pen nonetheless. He wanted to know what Liam’s favorite quote was. And he kind of hoped it wasn’t from Harry Potter, because there was no way in hell that Liam hadn’t read it. Everyone has read Harry Potter.

He had watched amusedly, as Liam flipped over to the very last page and scribbled. Covering what he was writing with his hand so as to hide it from Zayn. And then he had closed the notebook, and handed it back to Zayn.

Who had opened the page instantly and read it and had looked up with his mouth hanging open, and his heart racing five times faster than its normal speed. And Liam had just shrugged again, a nervous grin on his face and said, “What? It’s just a quote.”

But Zayn who could not help but notice the jitters in Liam’s hands as he capped the pen back, had kept looking at him with those eyes of his, probably moist, and then Liam had added, “But that doesn’t mean it’s not for you. I kind of mean it. Yeah? Is that- is that okay?”

Zayn can still remember the way he had jumped on Liam, his glasses falling off, fingers immediately going into his hair, as the notebook lay forgotten beneath them.

Now, it’s lying in front of Zayn. As an unmistakable tear makes its way down his left cheek. And he reads that stupid quote again,

_“I’m in love with you, and I’m not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things.”_

..and wishes that it would disappear. That it had never happened. Because then this would have never happened. This empty feeling inside, the void his chest is growing accustomed to hold, the void that only Liam can fill.

And what the hell. Zayn can’t live without him god damn it. Because the damn guy is everywhere. In his thoughts, in his heart, in his nightmares and daydreams, in his fucking literature notebook! He needs to talk to Liam. Whatever had happened between them was true and Zayn can still feel it.

He feels it in his chest all the time, the pain that reminds him of the best times of his life. The best thing in his life. And he’s sure Liam feels it too. And so. He’s going to fucking talk to Liam. Yes. He’s brave enough to do that. He just wants answers, just wants to hear one more time that it wasn’t true so he can just go back and kill himself over and over again over the same stupid guy. But a huge part of him believes that no. It was true. It happened. It felt real. And Liam still loves him, and if Zayn tries, he can maybe break through that rough hard exterior again.

Harry is going to kill him for this. He knows. But the moment his class ends, he’s out of his seat. Headed to where he knows Liam will be with his friends.

—-

(and the third, is when your world splits down the middle)

—-

denying your feelings, might give you peace of mind for a moment or two, but it doesn’t make those very real feelings go away.

since the past week, liam might be wearing a plastered grin on his face, might be going to a lot of parties and bars, and might be telling louis and niall to not worry about him because zayn’s chapter is closed, and he’s so over him. but in actual, he’s not okay and every single thing he’s been doing is to make that stubborn memory of zayn go away, wants to wash away that distinct smell of zayn off all his shirts. since zayn liked wearing them when liam left them at his place. but it doesn’t help.

nothing helps. not the empty wine bottles, or the burnt cigarettes. throwing away shirts and clothes don’t matter, nor does talking bad about zayn’s heritage with louis. he tries to let louis’ words convince him but they don’t because nobody knows the real zayn and he can’t help but still feel proud of being the one who does.

but it doesn’t matter any more. because zayn must probably be hating him now. and he should. he should hate him so much, and just fucking disappear. go away, far away from his life so that he doesn’t have to deal with these nonsensical urges of going back.

“liam, so what do you say?”

the sound of his name alerts him, and he starts to pay attention to whatever shit his football mates are talking about.

“about what?” he asks, returning louis’ anxious expression.

“you gotta pay attention to these discussions man! stop daydreaming for a bit yeah?” his fellow team member slash the vice captain says to him, “i mean you’re barely with us anymore, don’t know what’s bugging you but this state championship is kinda big for us. and you’re the captain, if you remember so please.”

“sorry mate,” liam shrugs, “won’t happen again. so, what about the state championship? what are we discussing?”

andy, the vice captain, starts to explain some strategies again and liam keeps correcting him whenever he’s wrong. he’s kind of thankful when andy’s girlfriend and her best friend, sylvia and danielle, both cheerleaders, interrupt them. sylvia takes her designated place besides andy and danielle stands between her and liam.

louis passes liam a grin, the kind your best friend passes you when the person who apparently has a crush on you talks to you. and liam returns that grin with an eye roll, but he doesn’t miss the way danielle makes sure how her entire arm comes in contact with his as she stands way too close. and he wants to push her away because no, he is not in the mood to date right now. specially not a girl. but right at that very moment, he spots him.

zayn. he is walking towards them. making his way through the mass of students in the corridor. with a notebook in his hand, and his bag at his back. that notebook kind of seems familiar. liam looks back up at his face and the determined look he is wearing causes alarms to go off in liam’s head. liam knows that look. and the moment his eyes meet zayn’s, all of liam’s hunches are confirmed.

zayn can’t. he can’t be coming here to talk to him. because they had been profusely ignoring each other since the past seven days and liam was okay that way since he didn’t have to give zayn answers. also when zayn was near, the urges to kiss him and apologize and run away with him became too strong. almost overpowering.

and there is no way in hell that he’s going to get back together. none. since talking to zayn might change that, he does the only (the first not the only) thing that comes to his mind.

turns sideways, slides an arm around danielle’s waist, pulls her close and before she can protest, he presses his lips lush against hers. danielle is maybe too stunned to respond, so he pulls back for a moment and lies to her face, he’s done this before so many times with so many girls that now it comes easily to him, “i kind of like you. wanna go out with me?”

she answers by pulling him back in by the front of his football jersey and attaching their lips together again. liam hears his team mates clap and cheer. and he hears his heart crack and die.

he ignores the latter.

—-

Zayn stops dead in his tracks, his fingers gripping the hard cover of his notebook real hard. Because in front of him, there’s the only love of his life with his lips locked with a bodacious, sick brunette.

His blood kind of rushes to his head at that moment, and he sees red and grey and black. His heart curls into itself in his chest, his lungs tighten and he can’t breathe. This is worse than Liam telling him he’s not worth it. This is way more worse than anything.

Because Liam hasn’t only thrown him out of his life, but also replaced him with a girl. And being replaced is just- it just kills you.

Tears sting Zayn’s eyes, but he refuses to cry. He just watches as Liam pulls back for a moment for he is pulled back in by the girl. He doesn’t know what to do, he stands and stares and wishes for the ground to open and swallow him alive. His world has just been shaken with a massive earthquake, now crashing at his feet before his very own eyes. And he can’t take this anymore. Why, Liam?

Liam can’t do this to him. How could Liam do this to him? Is he really that worthless of a human being? Is he that undeserving? Maybe he is. Maybe he is because he still wants someone who hates him, who has forgotten him. Who thinks of him as nothing more than some piece of scum, a fucking terrorist.

If Zayn keeps standing there, he is sure he will either faint or die or actually blow up this place or kill the nearest person, thus he turns around and starts to walk towards the school grounds. He needs to get out of here. And fast.

—-

(and fourth, you’re going to think you’ve fixed yourself )

—-

three days and the school is talking about it; liam payne’s new love affair.

after like a month, liam is on the school newspaper’s front page, a beaming danielle by his side, their hands together, fingers threaded into each others, hearts covering the page. and liam wants to puke when he first lays its eyes on it but when louis tells him how the entire school is in a kind of frenzy because of this, liam smiles. maybe this is for the best.

maybe this danielle person, however annoying she might be, can be used as some kind of an over-correction. maybe she can take his mind off the boy who isn’t seeming to leave his thoughts and dreams. maybe, yeah.

so liam thinks he’s found the cure to his zaynsickness. and spends every moment with danielle, practicing how to push zayn’s thought away from his very stubborn mind. they go to bars together, only that liam dances more with the insanely skinny blonds that loiter the dance floor instead of his ‘girlfriend’. he takes danielle out to dinner but the half the time he spends drinking wine and champagne, really not interested in whatever danielle is saying. he hears her cheer his name during football practice games, and he honest to god wants to throw the ball at her face to make that mantra of “GO LIAM GO! YOU HOT BOY YOU CAN DO THIS GO LIAM YES YES YES!” go away.

he doesn’t think of zayn all the time now though, not when he’s sleeping at night and his cellphone beeps and he eagerly reaches for it to see ‘danielle’ blinking on the screen. not when he scores a goal and out of habit turns towards the corner where a skinny boy wearing square glasses should be sitting, smiling a very toothy and encouraging smile. yeah, the chapter of zayn is actually closed and liam has moved on. he seriously doesn’t care about any zayn in this world, the only thing he cares about is reviving his reputation and the final football match that is just a week away. so he needs to focus on his practice and the building up of his team, and he has absolutely no time to pay attention to any kind of boy with probably the world’s best cheekbones.

and if you don’t believe that then you should, because liam is quite sure of himself. (that is what he tells himself in the mirror every morning anyway.)

—-

“Hey, you want to go to the cinema with me?” Harry asks, entering his room to find Zayn sitting at their study table, a book lying open in front of him.

“Nah, I’ll pass,” Zayn says, without looking up.

“I’m not surprised,” Harry sighs.

Zayn doesn’t respond. He’s actually just waiting for Harry to go out with whoever, and leave him alone. Now he likes staying alone more than before, he is always finding excuses to get rid of Harry. Because when he’s all alone with his thoughts and stuff, he is able to bear the pain that still eats away at his heart. He’s not reminded that people exist, and he likes to just forget about the entire fucking world because the world sucks big time, it is unfair and difficult. And since Zayn has no social life again, (not that he had it anyway but with Liam he got to experience things that normally he doesn’t, with Liam people’s remarks didn’t bother him too much), and what’s the point of not being alone anyway if you’re only going to be judged and looked down upon by other people. The boys in his school don’t like him because he just spends too much time buried in books and journals. And also because their girlfriends want him more than them despite the ‘nerd factor’. The girls don’t like him because (1) they want him but (2) he’s not interested in girls. Everyone knows that.

So it’s better to be left alone. What Zayn doesn’t understand though is, that when you are fucking okay with being a loner, why does your best fucking friend have a problem with it?

Specially your best fucking friend who is Harry Styles. The crazy pointless jerk. Because, after a while he says,

“Piece of advice; you’re not going to get him back by sitting in a room and staring at a book.”

Zayn sighs and turns around to find him sitting on the edge of their bed, unknowingly playing with his fingers as he stares back at Zayn.

“Getting back who? What are you talking about?” Zayn asks, trying his best to sound curious. Because obviously he knows what fuck Harry is talking about.

“Yeah right, don’t give me that Malik. It’s obvious. I thought you would get over him and we will be fine within a week or two, but its nearly a month since you last smiled. And you might be fucking okay with that, but I am not.”

“That’s not true.”

“One thing you do besides study and sleep?”

“I eat.”

Harry rolls his eyes at him, “Listen. You miss that guy too much Zayn, and its not like I like him now because I still don’t approve of him and his fag of a best friend, no offense, but if he is the guy for you. You need to get up and get him back.”

Zayn sighs, “Yeah, like that will help. He is happy with his girlfriend okay? Don’t you see them hand in hand all the fucking time? Don’t tell me you haven’t seen them Harry, and don’t tell me that he doesn’t look happy. I know I’m being an obnoxious idiot right now, but I’m working on it, and I’ll get over him. Just- I just need time yeah, I will get over him.”

“Exactly when Zee?”

“I don’t know,” Zayn sighs exasperatedly.

“That means never,” Harry says, “And I think you know it as well as I do.”

Springing out of his chair, to stand up on his feet with his fists balled by his sides, Zayn shrieks at Harry, “God damn it Harry! Will you please cut me some slack? I don’t care about him, I don’t fucking care! Just please leave me alone. Just go!”

“But I can’t see you like this!” Harry is on his feet now too, frustrated by Zayn’s patent idiocy.

“Then what do you want me to do, huh?” Zayn shouts back, “Go tell him I am dying for him? That I can’t stop thinking about him, hoping that he’d come back and apologize. Fuck, I don’t even want an apology from him! I just want him to come back and tell me he is in love with me too and it was all fucking real because this is so hard Harry, I don’t know why or how or when I fell in love with him and now I just can’t fucking live without him! I just can’t forget him and I don’t know why!”

Harry stays quiet for a moment, waiting for Zayn to stop panting.

“Do you really believe that you are in actual, honest to god love with him?” Harry asks slowly.

“Yes,” Zayn answers instantly.

“Then have faith in your love, and do something about this.”

“I tried,” Zayn says, “I tried to go talk to him but he was too busy with his- girlfriend.”

“You did what?” Harry almost shouts in surprise.

Zayn winces, he knows what’s coming, “I tried to talk to him.”

“Oh my god, have I taught you nothing? What kind of a stupid person are you? Who _talks_ when they want to get back together? Oh lord, help this guy!” Harry sits back on his bed again, the shock is such.

“Normal people talk, Hazza.”

“Yeah, we can already see how that worked out for you.”

“Mainly because I didn’t get a chance to talk okay?” Zayn explains, as he comes forward to sit beside Harry.

“Then give it a shot,” Harry says mockingly, “Just don’t come weeping and crying like a girl to me after it doesn’t work out. Again.”

“It is not going to happen ‘again’, I don’t think I can talk to him now that he’s in a relationship with someone who doesn’t leave his side for one fucking second.”

“Since that plan, fortunately, is out of the way, we need to come up with a more practical and fun way to get your dumb boyfriend back.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Zayn says in a small voice.

“Don’t worry girlfriend,” Harry says, throwing his arm around Zayn and pulling him close, “Leave this to me.”

Zayn doesn’t really trust Harry on things like these, but since he does not really have a choice, and as Harry has started peppering his face with wet, sloppy, disgusting kisses, he reluctantly has to agree.

—-

(( Harry is sitting on the bleachers looking at the guy he wants to talk to right now.

Every time the guy kicks the ball, it soars away, and his team cheers for him, making him laugh with his head thrown back, his brown hair glowing a bright shade of gold under the sunlight. Harry notices all of it because he’s Harry and he has always noticed things. In Zayn’s sketches, he has noticed the points where the pencil strokes have gone wrong. In Zayn’s eyes, he has noticed the struggle, strength and pain. In Liam’s face, he has noticed the hint of desperation and regret. In his own, he has noticed sadness lying beneath the layer of cool.

And that sadness, is because of the guy he’s looking at. The guy he’s now going to talk to after like two years. Or more, he doesn’t remember. But, he doesn’t want to talk about himself, he is here for Zayn. Only Zayn. No other reason. Yeah.

So he sits and watches, sure that nobody is paying him any attention. There are other students scattered among the bleachers, so he’s sure he is hard to be spotted. And anyway, he has practice. He has done this watching secretly thing before, more than a dozen times and he knows the sandy haired boy isn’t going to look his way. He barely ever looks at the spectators, he is too focused on the ball all the time. Also, all his friends are his team mates, so everybody he wants is on the field with him.

Void of all hesitation, Harry sits and waits for the coach to blow his loud whistle, and the practice session to end. After about twenty slow painful minutes, it does.

Harry watches the team members high five and fist bump and bum slap each other. Jock things. Then one by one, the buff guys pick up their bags and stuff, and head home. Until, like everyday, just three boys are left on the field. Niall, Liam and Louis.

Harry finally gets up and makes his way down, he follows the three boys who are now apparently heading to their respective cars, bikes, what-ever-the-fuck-they-drive-to-school-in. Today, it’s a minivan Harry sees, guessing by fact that Niall jumps into the passenger seat, he guesses its Niall’s.

Before they get away, Harry needs to do what he’s here for. So he does. He digs his cellphone out of his pocket, types a quick message, ‘meet me in the changing rooms. now.’, chooses the desired name that had been rotting in his contact list since two years, and hits send. He stays to see the boy pull out his own cell, watches as an unexplainable expression covers his face and then he turns around and walks away, not willing to see if he decides to come or not.

—-

He is sitting on the blue wooden bench in front of the blue lockers when he hears the door open and close, roughly. Soon afterwards, a voice cuts the prolonging silence.

“What do you want?”

Harry smirks to himself, before standing up and turning around to find Louis standing there, leaning against the lockers, with his arms crossed.

“I want your help,” Harry says, getting straight to the point.

Louis raises his eyebrow at him, “You- need my help?”

“Now you have hearing problems as well?” Harry asks, with an eye roll.

“In what?” Louis ignores the snide remark.

“In getting Zayn and Liam together.”

The bark of laughter that Louis lets out is deafening and embarrassing at the same time. Harry suddenly feels very small, this was bad idea since the very beginning.

“Are you out of your nuts?” Louis asks, after calming down.

Harry is angry. He really wants to go and maybe his facial expression says a lot about the disgust he feels for Louis at the moment because the sandy haired boy says instantly, “I didn’t mean to really. This was just unexpected.”

“What else would you think I’d call you here for, huh? I have nothing to do with you Louis. Not anymore and it would be better if you tell me right now if you’ll help me do this.”

Harry watches Louis who is wearing a skeptical look, considering maybe. He’s so sure that Louis is going to say no, laugh at him and walk away. He measures the consequences of that; Louis will tell Liam about this and it might just ruin Zayn further. Maybe it really is better to run away from this while he can.

“Okay,” Louis says. Causing Harry’s jaw to drop.

“What? You’ll help?” Harry asks, shocked. Wait, beyond shocked.

“Yeah,” Louis shrugs, “Sure, why not I mean?”

Harry just keeps looking at him incredulous, until Louis loses patience and questions him, “What now?”

“Why?” Harry asks, “You hate Zayn and you hate me, so why?”

Louis laughs dryly, “Yeah mate, but guess what? I don’t care about either of you, I care about Liam. And maybe I am half the reason behind him being so dead these days. And yes I did think he would get over your snob of a best friend but he didn’t, he is cut off from all of us most of the times, he drinks a lot, sleeps around a lot and its like he doesn’t even care about anything anymore. Even that chic he is dating is getting annoyed of him, he is not our Liam anymore. And I- I want the same old, googly eyed, caring Liam back. That’s all. The championship is around the corner, and Liam needs to get back on track before that. He is not focusing right now, he is acting like a hopeless jerk and only your best friend can heal him so- what the fuck! You get my point don’t you?!”

“Yeah yeah,” Harry nods, he hadn’t thought this would be so easy.

“So, what’s the plan? Or would you not like to talk about it here?” Louis asks, brushing his hair out of his eyes as he straightens up.

“No let’s talk here, nobody is here anyway and I don’t want to go anywhere with you.”

“Whatever,” Louis rolls his eyes and comes forward, sitting on the bench with his legs on either side of it, facing Harry. Harry does the same, he faces Louis.

“So, shoot. The plan?” Louis asks.

“There isn’t one,” Harry replies, “that is why I involved you in this. Zayn has, according to himself, miserably failed to talk to Liam. Thus, that option is out of the way. So I have another way, but for that you have to tell me this; 1) Is Liam really into that girl he is dating and 2) Do you think he will care if Zayn starts to date someone else?”

“Number one, I just gave you a detailed description of how hopeless Liam is getting day by day and how he doesn’t care if that girl exists. And number two, what the hell are you thinking about?”

“Zayn once told me Liam has a jealous streak to him. I mean he has always been violent with people who mess with him, but about Zayn, he had always been possessive shit. So, right now, if he still loves Zayn, I don’t think he will able to control himself if he saw him with someone else.”

“So you’re going to set up Zayn with someone?”

“Seeing the condition Zayn is in right now, I really don’t think that will be possible.”

“Then how do you-”

“So I’m going to pretend to date him, without his knowing and you just make sure Liam is present in the pre game party Ashton is throwing, because then right in front of Liam I’m going to kiss him and-”

“What? No! Are you crazy?” Louis shouts, cutting Harry off.

Harry stops in mid sentence to stare at Louis with his round eyes, “What? Why am I crazy?”

“Why would you kiss him?” Louis asks, there’s concern on his face that Harry isn’t really used to.

“Because he’s my best friend and he won’t want to kiss anybody else,” he says.

“But not you! I mean- Liam will see through it obviously, this isn’t going to work, this plan sucks!”

“What is your problem huh? You just have to get Liam there, anything else does not matter!”

“You don’t understand!”

“And I don’t fucking want to either! So just get Liam there if you care. If you don’t just send me a message or something and I will figure this out myself,” Harry snaps at him.

“I- do care okay? I just- you kissing him, I don’t.”

“What are you-”

“Look! Get someone else to do this, Liam won’t care if its you. I know he won’t, I will help. I will get Liam there. But you get somebody else. You are not kissing him. Okay?” Louis says, frustrated.

“Why? Why should I listen to you?” Harry asks with his eyes narrowed.

“Because I am listening to you!” Louis exclaims.

Harry sighs exasperatedly, “Okay whatever. I’ll pay somebody to kiss Zayn, he will kill me but whatever. You make sure Liam is there, make sure!”

“Okay I will,” Louis smirks at him, getting up, with his bag in his hand, “See you at the party then. You do have my number obviously, do just give me a call if you need anything.” Louis winks.

Harry grunts under his breath, “I don’t even know what the fuck it was doing in my phone anyway.”

“Sure you don’t,” Louis says again, turns away and walks out, not before slowly saying, “McHazza.”

The old nickname, that Harry’s heart had (almost) forgotten, ignites a fire somewhere deep inside his chest. And before he knows it, he’s on his feet and following Louis out. He has his hands clenched his fists when he stops Louis. With his foolish screaming, “Who the hell do you think you are saying stuff like that to me?”

Louis stops dead in his tracks, swiftly turning around to face a fuming Harry.

“What?” he asks, the color draining from his face when Harry answers.

“You’ve done this to me before and you won’t again. I am Harry Styles, and only that. You’re not allowed to call me anything else! Because I’ve changed Louis, I’m not the innocent, puppy faced idiot you made a fool of in front of all your fucking cool as shit friends, anymore. I am better now, and I am over my past. Don’t even fucking try to pull me back into it, I just want your help nothing else and it would be better if you keep your ideas and stupid nicknames to your own self!”

Louis waits for Harry to come down from his dangerous high. And then says in a calm voice, “I thought I had apologized to you. And I thought you had forgiven me. I thought we were okay.”

“I did. I have forgiven you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t hate you. And that does not by any chance mean that we get to be okay. We will never be okay Lou. Never.”

Louis’ facial expression changes drastically at that, from serene to shocked to semi-furious. When he walks towards Harry, his steps measured and sure, Harry doesn’t move back. He is not going to this time, he is going to hold his ground.

When he’s inches away from Harry, he says, “Then why is it that every day at practice, you sit at the very end and watch me? Why is it that somehow you still managed to have my phone number in your mobile? Why is it that you came to me for this when Niall would have been a way better option? And why the fuck it is that you still unintentionally call me Lou?”

Harry gulps. He didn’t think he would be caught this easily. But that does not mean he is going to give in to those deep blue eyes. No. He’s here for Zayn. Full stop.

Taking a step back to increase distance between himself and Louis, he replies, “Think what you have to, but I’m not here to answer to your nonsensical questions. Eee. Now spare me please, I’m here for my best friend. Not to stay and chat.”

As quickly as he had come after Louis, Harry walks past him and keeps walking until he’s breaking into an almost-run. He doesn’t know when the tears actually escape from his eyes, but he knows the reason of them being there.

And he just hates that fucking reason so much that he can’t stop thinking about it all day. Until finally it’s time for bed, and he wraps himself around Zayn like a bullied schoolboy to his mother, and Zayn strokes his hair because that is what he does, and its Harry’s hair, he loves Harry’s hair. And Harry drifts off to a sleep, dreaming of himself crying and Zayn crying and the world crying. ))

—-

(fifth, you see them out with someone else)

—-

This is the most boring thing he has ever been to.

To be honest, he’s not even sure why he is here even. Oh of course, Harry had dragged him. And when he says ‘dragged’, he really means ‘dragged’.

The place, Niall Horan’s house, is crowded. Every single person from their school has managed to make it. Pre-game party, the second last major party of the semester. Second last in the case if they win the golden cup, otherwise, and since the last couple of years, the last major most-talked-about party of the semester. And when something is most-talked-about, everyone wants to be there.

And everyone doesn’t include Zayn because he would rather be at home, brooding over a book or something, than be here and being checked out by half-naked girls he, for the love of Jesus Christ, is not interested in, or is being subjected to curious, racist looks, as people whisper about him, glancing back and forth between him and Liam.

Basically, in the past year, whenever Zayn had been spotted in a party, it had been because he would be accompanying his boyfriend; Liam. Now, nobody can pinpoint the reason as to why Zayn would be in a party when clearly, Liam is not beside him. Suddenly, it’s like everybody’s business to find out why Zayn is here, with whom, why and is he and Liam getting back together? Since they are teenagers, half drunk and senseless teenagers, they can’t even go and gossip in the corner without Zayn having to hear or see them. It sucks, really.

But Zayn is trying to play it cool, he is also doing a very good job at it. It’s like he is blind and deaf to everything he’s seeing and hearing, as he leans against the punch table, and pretends to down his glass of fruit punch which by the way, tastes funny.

Why is he trying to play cool and not shouting or kicking somebody’s ass for being so insensitive right now? Well because (1) he’s Zayn, (2) Liam kicks ass, he does not and (3) Liam is standing in the corner right in his line of view and most importantly (4) he is pretty damn sure he can feel Liam’s eyes on him, constantly.

So he ignores the world like always, concentrates on why his fruit punch tastes funny, and blocks out every kind of emotion running up and down his body because Liam should stop looking at him, maybe?

When Zayn is about to throw his fruit punch back into the bowl does Harry arrive with a girl on his arm. Trust Harry to always have a new girl on his arm, whatever the event might be.

“Heya Zaynie,” Harry says, and Zayn just smiles back. Placing his glass on the table, innocently.

“Why are you being such a spoil sport babe? Enjoy, I brought you here to enjoy, here meet Cory. Cory this is Zayn, Zayn this is Cory.”

“Cora, by the way,” the girl corrects in her high-pitched voice, “And hello Zayn.” She puts her hand forward which Zayn politely takes. And then leaves when she grabs onto it a bit too tightly.

“Why don’t you get to know each other, while I’ll just go fetch me a bottle of something stronger than this spiked disgusting punch?” asks Harry, like he’s just come up with this idea. But Zayn, as always, knows his gestures and words better than he does himself.

When Cora says, “This jacket looks really good on you by the way, black is so your color.” Zayn’s hunches are confirmed.

“Look Cory,” Zayn says, “And you stay here.” He tells Harry before directing Cora again, “Yeah so the thing is, if you’re gonna make a move on me or something, please do not bother. I’m not interested. In you, or in girls in general.”

“Uh… Excuse me?” Cora says, Zayn knows he’s been a bit too rude but he is too lazy to care, “You are not what?”

Harry tries to interrupt, only that Zayn presses a hand to his mouth, knowing very well that Harry isn’t going to shove it away but start licking his palm in protest instead. This time, Zayn doesn’t care, he is disgustingly enough, used to being covered in Harry’s saliva.

“Not interested in girls, really. No offense.”

“Oh. My. God,” the girl says, looking at Harry, “You paid me to kiss a guy who is… gay?”

“He what you?” Zayn asks, his jaw dropping as he removes his wet hand from Harry’s mouth, “You fucking what her?”

“I think she meant I requested her very politely, giving her money as a present only because she was being such a good sport,” Harry says, his eyes begging for something Zayn doesn’t understand, “Just let her kiss you.”

The fuck?

“No way in hell,” Cora says to Harry before Zayn can respond, “I am not. I don’t even go to this fucking school, and I should have never trusted a twisted freak like you!”

Harry opens his mouth but he’s cut off, “Look ma’am. I’m sorry for your inconvenience. But you can not just call my best friend a twisted freak in front of me. Now leave, before I get you kicked out, since you’re not even allowed here in the first place. Keep the money, and I’m sorry again. Now go.”

The girl huffs under her breath, and stalks off.

“I should have demanded my money back, that liar of a slut,” Harry says from beside him and then Zayn turns to Harry, “You. Don’t talk to me, not in a million years.” And then it’s his turn to stalk off.

Harry doesn’t let him do it though, because Liam is there in the corner, and Harry knows he’s been staring at them since a long time now, and this is too golden of a chance to let go. So he grabs Zayn’s arm, turns him around roughly, pulls him close so that his mouth is right beside Zayn’s left ear and Zayn’s is close to his right and whispers loudly because of the music, “Do you or do you not want to get Liam back?”

Zayn doesn’t move, he’s frozen in place for a moment, trying to fully process how Harry has managed to get them in this position so quickly. When he finally registers when his best friend is saying, he whispers back, “I don’t know what you are up to, and I don’t like this.”

“I was trying to help you make Liam jealous god damn it, you just ruined it!”

“What? That Cory-Story was going to feel me all up to make him jealous, are you out of your mind?”

“She wasn’t going to feel you all up and no, I was pretty sure that it was going to work.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“I am not,” Harry grunts, “Try for yourself and find out. Come on, kiss me. Kiss me and let’s see if it does something to Liam.”

“One, eww gross and two, I don’t think he will give a horse shit.”

“I don’t think he _can_ give a horse shit firstly, and secondly, he has been watching you ever since you stepped foot in this place.”

“That is because like everybody else, he can’t figure out why I am here. And now that you are so closely glued to me since like five minutes, I do think he should have come and expressed his ‘jealousy’ already,” Zayn mocks.

“Zayn, can you for like one second stop being a jerk and listen to me? You cannot live without him and I think this is the least you can do to see if he cares.”

“No.”

“Why? It’s just me.”

“Because- what if he doesn’t care?”

Harry hears the unmistakable, unexpected cracking of Zayn’s voice, finally understands why Zayn is so reluctant. Fuck. Harry hadn’t thought about that.

“I’m sorry,” Harry apologizes instantly, his arms going around Zayn as Zayn leans into him, and Harry asks, “Let’s go home?”

He thinks. Thinks about kissing Harry and Liam being angry and possessive. Thinks about kissing Harry and Liam not being angry or jealous. Thinks about how he will feel after. Thinks about how his heart is telling him to go with it. Thinks about the assuring feeling in his chest that tells him that Liam still loves him.

“Let’s not,” he says into Harry’s shoulder, “Let’s do this?”

He lifts his head up, and Harry asks, staring into his eyes confused, “Are you sure?”

“Yes. If I can’t fucking live without him, I just don’t see how he can. He can’t fucking live without me too.”

“That’s the spirit!” Harry beams at him and Zayn smiles back, he hasn’t felt this confident since a long time.

Then Harry is leaning in, closing his eyes and Zayn’s lips are meeting his, his arms going around Harry’s neck.

Then.

Then, a lot of things happen at once.

—-

liam is clearly not having the best time of his life. and it is not because of the way his ex-boyfriend and his annoying friend are almost pressed together in front of him, whispering into each other’s ears like retards.

who whispers like that? you can whisper and talk while keeping your distance, damn it.

anyway. liam doesn’t give a shit. he is so over zayn malik anyway. for all he cares, zayn can go f-

what the fuck?

it’s like his world stops for a moment as he comprehends properly how his zayn has his lips attached to another guy’s lips and why are they kissing?

his blood boils, sirens go off in his head as it stings too much. too much because nobody can do that to zayn, nobody can touch him like that. he is panting now and before he can stop himself, he is charging forward like a bull towards red, ready to tear harry apart from limb to limb.

but then he stops in his tracks. with fists clenched by his side. because.. there is already someone who has reached there first and is jerking zayn and harry apart. liam can’t make out who is he, thus he takes hurried steps towards the boys and oh, what?

louis.

what?

yeah it’s louis. (what?)

and he has harry’s shirt collars in his fists, as he glares at harry, furious. liam can’t even remember the last time he had seen louis like this.

“was i fucking speaking french when i asked you to not kiss him?” louis is practically seething at harry.

liam doesn’t understand what’s going on, so he looks at zayn. zayn who is still there and judging from his facial expression and dropped jaw, just as shocked. zayn doesn’t bother looking towards liam though, he is staring at louis and harry instead.

liam’s attention is averted by harry’s voice, “-just don’t get what the hell is wrong with you!”

“what is wrong with me? are you fucking stupid?” louis growls.

the music has stopped playing now, liam realizes. a crowd has gathered, all eyes on the exchange that is going on in front of them. perfect drama for a high school party.

“louis, let me go. you are not allowed to tell me who i should and should not be with,” harry clutches louis’ wrists in an attempt to free his shirt from his grasp. louis doesn’t let go.

“and why the fuck not?” and liam thinks he should probably snatch louis away and take him home since he’s a bit too drunk maybe because he’s really just talking shit.

but before he can do anything, harry roughly shoves louis away. and god that boy is strong because the shove causes louis to stumble backwards, his fists letting go of harry’s shirt. he doesn’t fall though. liam thankfully thinks its over though, but harry doesn’t think so, “because i am a bet louis tomlinson, that is what i am. just a bet to you. and it still hurts. and it will always because i was naive and a godforsaken bastard to believe in you. to listen to you. and i swear i will never make that mistake again! i thought we were clear on that.”

that manages to silence louis, liam can actually feel every spectator’s anticipation hanging in the air. he thought louis hated harry, what is going on?

“i was a jerk, i am a jerk, and i will always be a jerk. but not to you, i completely destroyed everything. okay? i know,” louis is saying, “and trust me, i hate myself so much. you were not a bet, you just- just- you just became one, and i let you. and i shouldn’t have because you were not a godforsaken bastard, i was that. i know it was wrong and i know i was a jerk. i know my way of apologizing wasn’t- well, appropriate. but i- harry come on, okay? i can’t do this okay?and don’t act like you can! there is no way in hell that you can! i can’t do this ‘play cool don’t give a shit’ thing anymore, because you. YOU are wrong with me! your entire existence is wrong with me. please just- i am sorry okay, just come back to me. i won’t let us end like this, like you thinking of you as a bet to me, because you have no idea! you have no idea what you do to me, harry styles, you have no idea..”

harry is speechless. liam is speechless. niall has just appeared from somewhere, and he has just whispered to liam: ‘i am speechless’, liam knows zayn is also speechless, the entire crowd is speechless. and (because) louis is crying.

and then everyone kind of let’s out a relieved gasp because harry styles is all over louis tomlinson and they are kissing like there is no tomorrow. and they’re murmuring something to each other but liam can’t hear because he doesn’t want to.

the music starts blaring again, the people start scattering again and its like the world’s eighth wonder didn’t just take place. but liam knows it will surely make the school newspaper sometime this week. then niall, who is standing beside liam, whispers to him, “zayn’s crying.”

liam’s head jerks automatically to zayn’s direction, just in time to see him taking his glasses offand wiping his eyes off his jacket’s sleeve. liam misses wearing that leather jacket, the only item that zayn owns that is big enough to fit liam. he remembers (knows) how it smells of cigarette smoke, strong mints and gucci by gucci. nostalgia kills liam there and then. he watches as zayn adjusts his glasses back on, and then.. he glances at liam. catches liam’s gaze, and quickly looks away. that kills more.

however, liam doesn’t stop staring. louis and harry are long forgotten. maybe, he isn’t as over zayn as he had thought. maybe there is still a small, tiny part of him that yearns for him. maybe- fuck. there is most fucking definitely his whole fucking being yearning and craving for him. he has to get zayn back before more harrys and danielles come in between them.

yeah. he’s made his decision but just as he takes the first step towards zayn. the boy turns abruptly and walks away. liam stays. watches him walk to the exit, head bowed low with his hands in his pocket, and leave.

—-

The night is cold. Okay actually it’s not cold, it’s just that Zayn is feeling cold all over.

He’s used to that icy feeling now, but this time it’s excruciating and painful. Because, his intuition is a bitch. That entire plan of Harry’s was a bitch. It did do wonders for Harry, and Zayn is so happy for him. Shocked beyond anything, and a little guilty for never discussing the Louis thing with Harr, but very happy. But it did the entire opposite for Zayn.

Liam doesn’t care, he didn’t come, he doesn’t care anymore and this was what Zayn was afraid of. And now the truth is crystal clear in front of him, his heart is shattered, crushed. Maybe he will just go home and never come out, or maybe he will go to some bar and drink himself to numbness.

He’s weighing his options when-

“Zayn, Zayyn? Wait!”

He turns around before he can think twice and his breath catches when he sees a very familiar figure running in his direction. No, it can’t be.

The only source of light is the small, pale streetlight on the sidewalk and Zayn has to squint to make sure he isn’t seeing things.

He isn’t because a few moments later, Liam is standing right in front of him, his face in shadows, but his eyes reflecting the pale light. Zayn suddenly can’t breathe.

“Hey,” Liam says, he’s breathing heavily. It must have been a long run.

Zayn shrugs at him, then turns around and starts walking away. Honest to god, he does not know why he does that. Liam doesn’t stop him, like he was maybe expecting him to, instead Liam takes a few hurried steps and starts walking beside him.

They walk for what seems like ages, and Zayn doesn’t know where they are going. He doesn’t think Liam does either. A few cars pass by, a few dogs and cats cross paths with them, they just keep walking. Walking just seems like a good idea.

Silence hangs, it’s not awkward. Liam coughs a few times, Zayn doesn’t acknowledge him.

Then, “So, how’s it been?” Liam asks.

Zayn wants to punch him in the face. But he doesn’t because he knows if he does, he would have a sore hand for weeks.

“You shouldn’t have followed me,” he says instead of answering. (or punching anybody)

“I am known for doing things that I shouldn’t,” Liam replies, smugly.

Zayn snorts.

There is silence again, Liam is wringing his hands, Zayn can see from the corner of his eye. Zayn knows he’s nervous. Zayn just wants to end this game of hurt and bullshit, so he halts in his steps.

Liam stops too, looks at Zayn questioningly, who has shifted to face Liam as well.

“What do you want from me now? Haven’t you fucking destroyed me already?” Zayn asks, his voice measured. He doesn’t want to cry.

Liam is lost for words, he stares back blankly into Zayn’s eyes, “I- Zayn I didn’t mean what I said.”

“Which part exactly?” Zayn asks, gulping, tears sting his eyes as he continues, “The part where I am a fucking terrorist, the part where my sexuality is the fucking reason my parents kicked me out, the part where I am worthless shit or the part where your love for me was a fucking bullshit act?”

“All of it,” Liam whispers slowly.

—-

(and sixth, is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little)

—-

he doesn’t care if tears start to fall out his eyes, the words zayn is saying are all his and sound so fucking pathetic. so unlike him.

“liam..” zayn whispers, and liam can see the eyes behind the glasses moistening up too, “please, don’t do this to me again. if you’re here to say sorry or something, and leave then don’t even begin because i don’t think i will be able to handle that.”

zayn looks so damn vulnerable that liam’s heart is plunged with an invisible knife whenever he speaks.

“i didn’t come to leave zee,” liam says, voice cracking, “yes i came to apologize, but not to leave.”

zayn doesn’t say anything, although he’s biting his bottom lip ferociously. liam can also see his adam’s apple bobbing up and down. he is waiting for liam to say something but liam is stupid because he doesn’t know what to say. where to begin. how to make zayn realize how pathetic he feels, how much he loves him, how much he has missed him. his touch, his scent, his entire fucking body, his being.

so liam does the only think that pops up into his mind, it’s impulsive but it’s all liam can do. because you know, he is stupid.

he takes a step forward, and in one fast movement, throws his arms around zayn’s torso, ignoring the way zayn gasps in surprise/protest, pulls him close and until he’s pressed flushed against liam, locks his arms behind his waist, and hides his face into the crook of zayn’s neck. and after such a long time, he feels at home when zayn’s hands somehow find themselves caressing his hair.

liam inhales at the touch, he feels it when zayn kisses the top of his left ear. and then zayn murmurs in a heavy voice, “don’t leave me again. please.”

“i don’t think i can live without you,” liam says, inhaling deeply, cigarette and mint and gucci by gucci and leather and zayn.

“same,” zayn sniffs.

“i thought i could, but i can’t.”

“i never even thought that i could.”

liam tightens his hold around zayn, “just- i don’t know why i did what i, don’t even know why i said what i said. i wanted to make you hate me. but you are such a stubborn jerk.”

“look who’s talking,” he feels zayn’s smile on his earlobe.

“zayn, i didn’t mean it. i really didn’t, everything i said, i didn’t. you are a beautiful person, you are my favorite beautiful person, forgive me?”

zayn sniffs, “there is nothing to forgive you for.”

liam shakes his head, which is still nuzzled in zayn’s neck by the way. “you are an ass, malik. why be good to me, just be angry at me for one moment?”

“you are the best thing that happened to me payne, and i can’t get angry at you. trust me, i have tried.”

“i hate me.”

“i love you.”

“i love you too.”

“promise me you’ll never leave me again, whatever happens?”

liam looks up at him at that, doesn’t remove his arms from around him though. zayn let’s his hands fall from liam’s hair and rests them on his chest.

“why do you even think i would do it again? i have killed myself once already, i don’t think i can even think about doing it again.”

zayn bites his lip, “but. your parents?”

liam doesn’t have to think about that now, he’s made up his mind, “they can do whatever they want. and i will do whatever i want.”

“but li-”

“ssshhh,” liam says, joining his forehead with zayn’s, so the tip of their noses touch and their breaths mix and the top of zayn’s glasses are touching liam’s eyebrows, “we will see about them when the time comes, together we will see about them.”

“so- you won’t leave me?” zayn asks again, liam can see the hidden fear behind the glasses.

“never in forever.”

zayn smiles and liam can feel his heart coming back together. he wants to make him smile all his life. he’s a teenager, only eighteen, but this smile, he knows he’s never in a million years going to get tired of.

—-

“So, lets go home then?” he asks, not really bothering or wanting to get out of the home Liam’s arms are already providing him with. He still is unable to believe this is happening. He had thought he had lost Liam forever. And now, now.

He could stand here forever, he thinks.

“Yeah, one more thing though,” Liam says, his breath hot and smelling of the funny tasting fruit punch, on his lips.

“What?” he asks.

He feels Liam’s right hand moving up from his waist all the way to the back of his neck, “This.” Liam says, before he leans in and as Zayn watches, he traces Zayn’s lips with his tongue.

Zayn gasps, and then shuts his eyes close because fuck Liam, he had no idea how much he had missed that. After wetting Zayn’s lips, Liam doesn’t waste a second and presses his own lips flush against his. Zayn clutches the front of Liam’s shirt, kissing back as passionately as he can. He lets Liam’s tongue slither into his mouth, lets Liam claim every part of it again. It was Liam’s to begin with anyway.

Then after about i-don’t-know how many minutes/seconds, Liam pulls away and Zayn obliged. He could have gone for a few more minutes, actually. Liam’s forehead doesn’t lose contact with his though.

“I knew you’d taste like him. You should only taste like me,” he says, his breath uneven.

Zayn feels his cheeks heat up, what the fuck, “It was Harry’s stupid plan, I- I went along with it because I just wanted to see if you cared about me anymore.”

“Next time, just talk to me okay?” Liam says, his thumb tracing Zayn’s lower lip.

“I tried,” Zayn breathes, “But you had that- that slut glued to you at all times.”

“I hate her,” Liam says, “Trust me, it was you who I thought about when I was with her, always you.”

“Maybe,” Zayn says, bringing his lips close to Liam again, “Maybe I should remove her from you as well, then.”

“Go ahead,” Liam whispers, their lips almost touching.

“You’re mine Liam Payne.”

“And I don’t want to anybody else’s, Zayn Malik.”

Zayn laughs, but the sound gets lost in Liam’s mouth. And they kiss, and under that streetlight, they are each other’s again.

—-

(liam’s final goal wins them the state championship. and while he holds up the cup, and is lifted off the ground by his cheering team mates, his eyes find zayn standing in the crowd, tears running down from behind his glasses, a wide smile on his face, clapping. ‘i am proud of you, babe.’)

(harry and louis become the new big thing after liam and zayn, and just before vacation, louis asks harry to accompany him to doncaster. they send liam and zayn pictures of themselves with cats and kids every weekend. sometimes a naked harry also appears on their laptop screen and liam covers zayn’s eyes with his hand before closing the window, grossed out.)

(niall is just happy that he gets to be a part of this and he visits zayn and liam everyday. he is sometimes even kicked out because according to liam they are a little busy with holiday homework. niall knows they are not really busy with ‘holiday homework’. because there is a window in harry’s room that opens to his backyard and is always, always open so he had watched them doing some very very impressive ‘holiday homework’ through the useful window once.)

(okay maybe not once.)

(go away.)

**Author's Note:**

> So this took me ages to complete, and tomorrow is my birthday, so I don’t know. I am just glad I finished this before that! :D Please leave a comment, it would be lovely! :P
> 
> (tumblr: hardcoreziam)


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